for Rhys

A LETTER TO MY GRANDSON

This is the letter I would like my grandson to read when he is old enough to understand its contents.

TO: Rhys Douglas-Wilson

written on 26 March 2021

 

Dear Rhys

 

I am writing this to you as your grandfather - your dad's dad. I hope I am still alive when you read it so that we can meet. I have missed being able to get to know you, but if I am no longer alive I hope it will help you understand who I was.

 

I did meet you when you were a few months old, but your mum decided I could not be your grandfather and since that day I have little idea what has been happening in your life. I hope all is good and that you are well and happy. This is the only photo I have of you.

 

I have not been too well in recent years; brain operation, heart surgery, stroke and heart valve infection. I was not expected to live, but I did. I spent a lot of my convalescent time thinking about you and about your dad, my son, who I love very much.

 

I was also given a lot of support from my wife Anne and from your uncle Ben. He does not have an easy life but is very brave and very positive. I hope you have a good relationship with him. 

Even after six years I still do not know why Jonny has agreed to cut me out of his and your life. You will have to ask him. 

 

I do know why your mother and grandmother, Renata, have behaved the way they did, but before I say more I want to add that I  hope you have a good relationship with your mum, your dad and your grandmother. 

 

I am sure Maria is a great mum and I know that Renata is capable of giving you a lot of love.

 

When Maria 'sacked' me as your grandfather she told me that her  reason was that I had 'selfishly' taken Jonny into a 'war zone'.  This is UNTRUE as Jonny came to Mostar four years after the war there had ended. His stay there changed his life for the better **

 

She told others that, I chased 'hookers’ (prostitutes) in New Orleans. Again UNTRUE. I think she was referring to a day in that city when I went to look for an elderly black guy I had met and to whom I had promised $20. After getting the money from a cash dispenser I told Maria and Jonny what I was going to do. Sadly he was not where I had met him and he never got the promised money.

For many years your grandmother Renata claimed that I 'abused' your dad. UNTRUE . She has since denied saying this, but I have communications from Jonny who remembers the allegation. When I visited Renata's aunt Mirijana in Zagreb 21 years ago she told me she was shocked that Renata and her father were 'going around Zagreb' making this and other allegations about me. I remember her adding, 'If Nada (Renata's mother and your great grandmother) was alive she would never have allowed them to behave in this way.'

 

Renata has also claimed that when I was running War Child I sold trucks to the Bosnian army. UNTRUE. It is true that other members of War Child were selling them. You can read about all this in 'Left Field', but when I found out I alerted the then War Child Trustees and to this day have retained the documents proving this to be the case.

 

So far as I know Jonny has never agreed with any of these four allegations made about me and it remains a mystery to me as to why he has agreed to silence me.

 

Here is what your father wrote to me on 1 Jan 2013:

 

“You make Maria so happy I think you complete something she missed out on.. and not in a needy way but in a really positive way. The money you gave us rescued us and made this life possible and now this baby will make our family even more. …I am so blessed and you are so responsible for my strength, Anne too. I know Anne will be exhausted and we completely understand if she cant make it but please express to her how much we love her and hope she is happy to be a grandmother.” 

 

And the last communication I received from Jonny was on 30 Jan 2015 when he wrote this:

 

“just wanted to write to you to say that I love you and also to say that there really isn't an issue between you and me.”

 

I am sure Renata is angry with what I wrote in my published memoir about our divorce. You can read that chapter here. 

 

I have no idea why your mother dislikes me and Anne. We both liked her and I can only guess that she experienced unhappiness with men in her past. 

 

I hope that you will be given your own copy of the book which I have dedicated to you. That you will then understand the truth about me. 'Left Field' can be read here:

 

I hope that someone will give you your own copy of the book with its dedication to you.

 

Here is what I wrote four years after Left Field’s publication.

 

Finally I wrote about the grief involved when losing Jonny, a living son here (under a pseudonym) which concludes with a song, “In the Living Years" by Mike and The Mechanics.

 

I am not angry or bitter, but massively regretful and sad. I have so powerfully wanted to see you and get to know you. Perhaps we will still be able to.

I take this opportunity to send you, Jonny, Maria and Renata as much love as can be accepted from me. 

 

David    xxxx

 

 

PS I lived as long as I did because of the love and strength I received from my wife Anne and from the love and solidarity I once received from Jonny and have continued to receive from your uncle Ben, from my sisters, Liz and Joanna and from all my friends. Here is your father and uncle a few years ago! Jonny was so cute and I believe that in his soul he still is.

 

 

**

Someone who knew your dad well in Bosnia recently wrote the following to me when hearing I was writing to you.

Please try to talk about Jonny and his talent, his joy in Bosnia, in what ways it was different and more positive than his life in London. He used to say how he won a scholarship to a fancy Highgate school that was full of spoilt rich kids of war criminals and Russian despots. Kids that took coke and heroin at the age of 15. His coming to follow you in Bosnia saved him from a life of debauchery, selfishness and drugs. He was admired by famous musicians and producers who took him under their wing and tought him many production and post production skills. Talents and connections he used to get where he is now and which eventually led him on the path to meet Maria and make Rhys. It led him on a path to a different kind of education and enabled him to meet people who made a difference in our world of despair and war. Jonny is someone who each and every Bosnian and Croat he ever encountered admired enormously. He had an energy and conviction that was hard to ignore. That inspired people and this energy only came about because he had a father who led him on this path. It is so ridiculous that he cannot acknowledge that now.

 

                                                 - - -

‘You should remind yourself that what you love is mortal, that what you love is not your own. It is granted to you for the present while, and not irrevocably, nor for ever, but like a fig or a bunch of grapes in the appointed season; and if you long for it in the winter, you are a fool.’ Epictetus

 

 

 

Jonny and David

 

 

Not a day passes when I don’t think about my two sons, Ben and Jonny, and my grandson, Rhys.

How was Jonny able to exclude me from his life over so many years, years when I had life-threatening operations, illnesses and a stroke?

Not long before I was expelled by Maria as grandfather Jonny wrote this to me .. “just wanted to write to you to say that I love you and also to say that there really isn't an issue between you and me.”

Earlier he wrote this to me … “You make Maria so happy I think you complete something she missed out on.. and not in a needy way but in a really positive way. The money you gave us rescued us and made this life possible and now this baby will make our family even more. …I am so blessed and you are so responsible for my strength, Anne too. Please express to her how much we love her and hope she is happy to be a grandmother.”

 

After my 'expulsion' Jonny wrote this in an email to a mutual friend ... “David took me to Bosnia where I was once beaten by many Croatian police who hospitalized me, I had guns put to my head multiple times and once someone fired a gun next to my right ear and I lost 20% of my hearing … For years now Anne has been spitting venom at my mother and both her and David have actively worked on making me hate my mother ** ... My father has a long history of bad behavour, he was arrested multiple times, he jumped from job to job and was financially unstable his entire life … He is hothead and I can't have him near my child … David comes from a long line of abusive drunks … The doctors told him the reason behind his brain issues were because he was heavily drinking since the 60s. He was an alcoholic and depressive before I was born … Anne is a bully she is horrid person, she orders David around and belittles and attacks him verbally … she is one of the most selfish people on this planet … David and his father were upper middle class entitled ponces, yeah he pretends to be a communist socialist lefty, but the fact is he comes from a very well of family that afforded him the time to waste his youth … David NEEDS to see a psychiatrist .”

Maria didn’t like me or Anne from the start. Indeed Jonny told me that he had told her not to destroy his family. There then followed my expulsion as Rhys’ grandad because I had ‘taken Jonny into a war zone’. After my visit to Jonny and Maria in New Orleans she claimed I had chased hookers there.

After Maria 'sacked' me as grandfather I never heard from Jonny again, not even when I was in hospital close to death.

When I am not here to defend myself, when I am no longer able to have even the possibility of contact with my grandson, when I am dead, I hope Jonny will be told that I never stopped loving him.

David

NOTE: I lived as long as I did with the love and support of my wife Anne, my son Ben and sisters, Liz and Joanna, my Mostar ‘son’ Oha, Masa and family, Teo and close friends, Eileen, Anthea, Jane, Trish and Alaistair, Maureen, Sebastian and Grainne, and Deicola. Andrea Rice, Ben's carer, has been supportive, not just of Ben, but of me as well. There are others who left before me – Alice, Gerry, Robin, Ken.

The Love that’s deep within me

Shall reach you from the stars

You’ll feel it from the heavens

And it will heal the scars

- anon

 

 

Additional correspondence:

Jonny to David: 21 January 2003 ... Dear David, please don't worry things are not as bad as they seem.The main point is that we finish every argument with love and with some sort of closure... Me and Nada (JONNY’S BOSNIAN FIRST WIFE) never finish arguments bad but we both have faults... My main thing is a take things to serious, there is not such a big problem with Nada's mum but basically I over interprit shit..… As for demon weed, the last time I smoked it was saturday morning which is part of the problem,,, but I don't need it.. Our characters show by how we deal with stress and I don't deal with it well.. The main point is when nada's mum had a go at me she was right about everything but also I think arguments are never dealt with in this way with her family so it is strange for her... I just hope she is cool with us... I don't want her to feel bad about being with us, even if the dali lama was sleeping over I'd get a bit miffed after a week... My problem is not her sleeping in our room (WHEN HIS MUM-IN-LAW WAS IN LONDON FROM BOSNIA) but that since last sunday i haven't had 1 minute of my wife's time, I have had to call her at week to talk in private Nada's mums really felt that it was wrong to have that argument at your place, and it probably was I am very sorry... And I am selfish as well..DJing and all that is no where near as important to me as nada and I would work in a factory if it was the only way I could keep her.... so don't worry we have no wish to be a part but I must learn to deal with myself not just because of Nada but because of the way interact with everybody.… Also please don't feel renata is responsible for anything, she has really changed and I love her as well and a lot of my problems are exactly that, my problems, they are there because I created them... Whatever blame we like to put on our parents it's still me that has been alone all this time dwelling on bad thoughts... Renata and you are good parents and you should never feel guilty for the way you raised me and Ben, we are both good people....I love you and Anne and I thank you both very much for the way you dealt with our inbalance.I am sorry. Take Care, Love, Jonny

Jonny to Anne: 28 May 2007 ... hey Anne, thank you so much for each treatment, i really owe you. Acupuncture has been the only thing that has given me a very real sense of changing for the better. I regard you as healer way above that of a doctor. Much Love, Jonny

 

 Jonny to Ben:13 May 2014 …when the divorce was happening Renata said David had sexually abused me, but all that aside i need to explain something to you about the divorce when Renata and David divorced I was 14 and you were 18 or older in the divorce David got 20,000 quid ish which represented about 5% of the family assets i then went to live with David , and even though I was the only child in the family at time (child being defined as someone younger then 18) David and I were awarded 5% of the family assets where as you and Renata got 95% so the reason David agreed to this was because Renata said she needed all that money for you and David wanting you to have a cushion in life agreed with the plan but Renata has ripped you off i'm afraid she is now keeping all the money to herself and giving you a small trickle to live on the actual fact of the matter is Renata legally agreed to support you by taking all of the families assets so it's none of my business because I took the 5% and Renata being consistently angry with me as a sign i should step away from our family and i must say i am more happier because of it BUT you have way more money then you think you do you are actually potentially a millionaire it's just the person who is safeguarding your money is being well dodgy please feel free to ask any questions if my explanation wasn't clear enough ….At some point you can ask her for the money you are owed … and you have at least a few hundred thousand … Think about it, she bought a house in cash in Cornwall … imagine how much she has sitting around … that's your money … because you were ill Renata was entrusted with all the assets because of you … she didn't get most of the money because she super cool or beat David at Scrabble … she got all the money because of you … and now she is keeping your money from you.

20 May 2014: Jonny to David ... I can assure you Renata is crazy ...she's just not smart enough to see how she is projecting her hate rather then handling it … but anyone who says any of this is your fault is just lying and i know it's really hard but you should try to let it just roll off your back and not let it get you down because she's mental and your not … Renata must be counting her blessings that she doesn't have to put up with any snotty little mix raced children ( MARIA HIS WIFE IS MECICAN-AMERICAN)… Fuck that bitch … I fucking hate her … the only blessing she has now is not hearing that i despise her … fuck her and all this hatred she put on me from such a young age … and I want our family to be something Rhys runs back to , not away from … but she needs to be fixed because she is broken

30 May 2014: Jonny to David ... Malcolm and Renata need a world view with a horizon blocking their way because it is their safety ... sticking to the family home of memories, not having close relationships where friends can question your world view … to them keeping close minds is a neccessity for them … but they have money and cushions and a palace ... people like Malcolm and Renata need to be shut down the same way Halliburton needs to be shut down ... they are feeding very bad things into the universe.

POSTSCRIPT

After coming across this photo of Jonny and Maria sitting outside a Barcelona café in July 2022 I wrote an email to Jonny, Maria and Renata. I doubt any of them read it, so here it is

Dear Jonny, Maria and Renata

It was great to see this photo of Jonny - and looking so well. People have remarked how much he looks like me. Sorry about that!

Isn’t it time - after more than seven years - for peace to be declared? But first of all Jonny, Maria and Renata need to explain why terrible lies have been said about me.

I present two for each of you. There are many more than two!

RENATA

1. David abused Jonny. (She may now deny this was said, but when I met Aunt Mirijana in Zagreb before she died, she confirmed it and said, “If Renata’s mother, Nada, was alive, she would have put a stop to Renata and Ivo spreading lies around Zagreb about you, David”.)

2. David sold War Child trucks to the Bosnian army. (Check The Guardian, Ch 4 news and “Left Field’ for the truth).

MARIA

1. David ‘took Jonny to a war zone. (He came to be with me to get away from his mother, four years after the war ended and with Brian Eno. This started his music career)

2. David chased hookers in New Orleans. (i was in fact trying to give money to an old black guy begging on the street)

JONNY

1. David was always getting arrested. (the only arrest that led to court was at Grunwicks, supporting Asian women pickets and I was found NOT guilty and discharged)

2. David comes from a long line of drunks. (Name them and given Jonny’s drug history, pots and kettles come to mind).

Jonny gets a bonus lie and perhaps it's the worst of all of them. My son tells people that, "My dad and I have no contact with each other." Over nearly eight years I have sent him numerous emails, Skype messages and have had friends contact him on my behalf. SILENCE  At least he should tell the truth. "I refuse to have contact with my dad."

If you can face the truth about me in place of these lies, we can face the future together. I'’m not angry, but when I look at that photo, very, very sad.

My new book, ‘My World Café, will be published in November. Jonny and Renata are featured, but only in a positive and loving way. You can check it out at www.davidwilson.org.uk 

Love to you all,

David x

Solidarity with the people, not their leaders

 

Eighty years ago 1.2 million Jewish people were murdered by Nazis and their collaborators in Ukraine. Ukrainians, such as the infamous Ivan the Terrible of Treblinka, were among the most notorious guards at Auschwitz and at other Nazi death camps. 

The most notorious massacre of Jews was at the Babi Yar ravine outside Kiev where more than 33,000 Jews were killed in a single operation on 29–30 September 1941. 
Many thousands of Roma met a similar fate. 

The dead died, but the ideology that brought that about lived on, festering in the living earth above their corpses and ashes, waiting for the opportunity for a resurgence. That opportunity is now. 

In 2014, a Ukrainian neo-Nazi militia called Azov Battalion was formed to combat Russian separatism. It was incorporated into the national guard, and is today an official part of the Ukrainian military. Azov members wear uniforms carrying the neo-Nazi Wolfsangel symbol, which resembles a black swastika on a yellow background. The photo above is of Azov commander, Major Denis Prokopenk, saluting the Wolfsangel.

Volunteers have arrived in Ukraine to join them, a perverse echo of the International Brigades at the time of the Spanish Civil War. American, Canadian and European neo-Nazis have travelled to Ukraine to fight. Welcoming them Azov’s political leader, Andriy Biletsky, stated that, “The historic mission of our nation in this critical moment is to lead the White Races of the world in a final crusade for their survival.”

In recent days reports have appeared of Azov soldiers preventing people from leaving cities, and of Roma and LBGT people being tied to lampposts and smeared in paint.

Meanwhile the Ukrainian government has outlawed Leftist parties.

OK I am asked what would you do if you were in Ukraine? 

Thirty years ago I was in Sarajevo, a city under siege. I was there in solidarity with the people of that city. The city's fighters were not on the frontline for President Alija Izetbegović or his political party. They were certainly not there risking and losing their lives to enrich the President’s family and other local oligarchs. They were there to defend their homes and families. And they were certainly not saluting any flags. 

Oligarchs and Fascists

 

Ukraine’s President Zelenskyy has suspended eleven opposition parties, using the same ratonale Putin invokes – they’re subversive with ties to our foreign enemies. 

They are mostly left-wing or representing the 30% of Russian-speaking Ukrainians. The largest one, Opposition Platform, aren't a small party - they polled around 10% at the last free election.

After an earlier ban on three TV stations the head of the Ukrainian Union of Journalists, Nikolay Tomilenko said , “The deprivation of access to Ukrainian media for an audience of millions without a court order is an attack on freedom of expression.”

We hear a lot about Russian oligarchs, but very little about Ukraine’s, one of whom is Zelenskyy himself. With houses in London and Washington he has funnelled his $millions through the British Virgin Islands. Whichever way this war goes he’ll be OK. Here is an article from The Guardian.

The President ended his speech banning the parties with these words. “Glory to all our heroes”. These ‘heroes’ include actual Nazis who have become a part of state institutions, particularly in the military. 

A friend recently said they were fed up with hearing about these Nazis. Me too. We need an oligarch and Nazi-free world before it’s too late. This is why

THE SCREAM

“Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in

 one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.” George

 Orwell, 1984

I have read that over 100,000 people have been killed in Yemen as well as 85,000 dead as

a result of ongoing famine. More than eighty UK companies are exporting arms to

Saudi Arabia for use in this carnage.

Meanwhile Boris Johnson is in Saudi Arabia, not to seek an end to all

 this, but to ask for increased fuel to replace Russian supplies which

 have been stopped because of Russian carnage in Ukraine. He is also

 no doubt, finding time to promote the interests of those eighty UK

 merchants of death.

This hypocrisy goes without comment in the MSM. Why?

There are victims and victims. We have arrived in 1984 where fact-

based evidence is abandoned and those who, two weeks ago, couldn’t

 point to Ukraine on a map, let alone spell its President’s name,

 proudly display the Ukrainian flag and have become geo-political

 experts. They have abandoned nuance and ambiguity. 

Mention the stationing of NATO troops and missiles in Eastern

 Europe; the U.S. involvement in the ouster in 2014 of Ukraine

 President Viktor Yanukovych, and the involvement of openly Nazi

 militias and you are dismissed as a Putin apologist. 

Mention that Volodymyr Oleksandrovych Zelenskyy is a billionaire

with houses in London and Washington and you will be shown photos

of French President Emmanuel Macron with Zeleneskyy stubble and

jeans.

If I was to put a blue and yellow strip on my timelines it would have to

be joined by so many other flags you wouldn’t be able to see my face.

That’s lucky because I’d look like Munch’s Screamer.

Peter Oborne: A Tale of Two Wars

No More Heroes

 

Thank you rapper Lowkey for alerting me to this information about The President of Ukraine, Volodymyr Oleksandrovych Zelenskyy. Former actor and comedian. he has rapidly taken on ‘pin-up’ status in the media as he leads his country’s opposition to the Russian oligarch Putin.

It now seems he might never have gven up his acting career as The Pandora papers suggest Zelenskyy may not be the “People’s saviour” after all, but has a career somewhat similar to that of the Russian President. 

 

The Pandora documents suggest he had – or has – a previously undisclosed stake in an offshore company, which he appears to have secretly transferred to a friend weeks before winning the presidential vote. According to its findings, two of the offshore companies belonging to Zelenskyy’s partners were used to buy three lavish properties in central London.

Zelenskyy said his goal as President was to destroy “the traditional oligarchic order” and to replace it with a “fairer system”. His critics say Zelenskyy has embraced the same shadowy ways as his predecessors.

Wars involve a bloody struggle with a foreign enemy. But the real enemy is war itself and those who benefit from the bloody affair. They are often closer to home than we are told.

These kids can see that and have acted on their knowledge and wisdom.

 

Solidarity with the people of Ukraine who are in immediate danger.

 

You can read more in The Guardian and from Al Jazeera.